My Story

Gratitude changes everything..

It is difficult for me to summarize my own experiences of life to understand the gift it is. 40 is a new beginning! I want to share a piece of my own writing from my 40th birthday.

Written on 1st April 2020:

I've always found my birthday to be most overwhelming, which is why I love the quarantine. I'll throw a party (virtual) that so many of you wanted to organize for me.

Yes, my birthday is on April Fool's Day for real...

To all those wondering what has gotten into me since the past few months..

"I have embraced LIFE". 💃💃💃

Always aimed at being a happy go lucky person, tried to find some positive in each action/reaction. Wearing laughter as a mask, I took each day as it came - however, it only got tough with time.

My 37th year was the most confusing. I was physically checking into my worldly roles but mentally, I was MIA (missing in action). 

Summer 2017, we attended weddings of my favourite cousins in Islamabad. A wise family member spoke of women having clarity in life by the age of 40 - and it struck me! I was completely off track.

With all the jing bang in place, each group selfie was now reflecting my suffocation, that I had been ignoring for years. I kept deleting those photos, put my game face on and played along.

Soon after, as per social trend, we took an overseas vacation- isn't travel the only known way of self-care?

Covid-19 has given us a time out to re-think and unlearn a lot of preconceived notions.

Back to my story, a change of scene only added fuel to the fire. I continued forcing myself to ride against the tide, in hope to find peace.

23rd September 2017:

I was pushed beyond my comfort zone and forced into taking the leap of faith.

My entire life, I had prayed for sabr and was always blessed with it. That day, I cried to Allah for help.

Dubai had always been the marital home. I had no family in the city. Within 48 hours of my plea, Allah uprooted us in the most miraculous of ways.

My brother Ali Nawab, flew in at the first SOS call made to him by our family counsellor. Based in TO, he jumped onto the first flight to Dubai within 2 hours of the call.

Seeing him in our house that evening, I thought I was hallucinating as I had no clue he was coming. Couldn't believe that Allah actually sent help without my knowledge.I don't want to recall what happened next.

I left what I believed was 'home' with my brother that same night.With nothing, but the most valuable asset - My four children.

I will forever remain indebted to Ali ❤.

Times from there on have been most grilling. With "uncertainty" topping the charts, the only constant that remained in my life was Allah! I knew He was testing me to the extreme, just so I could fathom His power and break free from my mental reliance on every single person around me.

Everything toppled before I could finally begin to see some light. The end of the tunnel is still miles away, but voila- I found 'peace' in the darkest times.

The past seems like a blur. Although it has strengthened my faith, I dont think I can do it again. While all doors slammed shut, the only door that remained open was His - this is the only thought that gets me standing up each morning.

Both my parents struggle in their own way to process this. It is only due to their support, patience and duas that I'm on a path towards healing ❤.

I want to applaud Cyma Nawab's support and grace during the most challenging time of her life ❤. (Joys of 'Wutta Sutta' marriages)

From guidance to finding my way in Toronto, standing up for me against the odds, to being scolded by me like my own child, Haider Nawab has been there like no one else❤.

Cheers to Batool Nawab for being the "bhai" that she is whenever I needed her ❤.

Sharing a personal story is against cultural norms.

I've only become vocal to share the miracles God showed to me when I hit rock bottom. I want to remind everyone to keep believing in the power of the Almighty who loves each one of us more than 70 mothers combined.

People will transition in and out of our lives. The only constant is you and the highest power!

My biggest responsibility is my children, who are most resilient.

What is even bigger, is my own responsibility towards myself.

Life is a gift 🙂.

It is my duty to acknowledge it, without feeling sorry for myself. A failed marriage does not mean the end of the world. Whatever said and done, 'qayamat phir bhi nahi aee'.

This too shall pass!

My rant is over 😴😴🥱🥱😋😋

For now, let's focus on our health and well-being. Covid-19 has forced us to make serious life style changes. Together, we will soon adapt to this new way of living.

Finally at 40, I've learnt to be comfortable in my own skin!! I had always wanted to be at Disneyland for my 40th 🎡🧚‍♀️🎠✨💫

Guess I'll settle for the strongest Cinderella vibes for now😷 🕛🧹🧽🧻🛒🧴🧼🧺.

Had the best day catching up with everyone, flowers and best of all etransfers as present. Online shopping, here I come!

Treated myself to these beautiful hydrangeas during my weekly Costco run.

Here's to wishing myself the happiest of birthdays.

14th Jan 2024: 

We are in the 7th year of our life in Canada. I can’t thank Allah enough. My children are with me, we are permanent residents. Canada is our home. I am grateful for all the support but this time has been the hardest because figuring out a way to start over was nerve wrecking. But with every hardship there is ease- small avenues opened. Anything bigger would have intimated me and I would have given credit for my own survival to that avenue rather than my own will and Allah’s mercy.

I made a promise to myself to do what makes me the happiest. My passion to working with threads found its way to me.

What is Creativity?

The internet is packed with answers. To me creativity is the passion to translate your imagination into any medium.

We are all born with some talent. Like many, I had always wanted to do something different. What and How? I never knew. During my thesis at Indus Valley, I was given this platform to follow my creative gut with no boundary whatsoever.

It was a shock- I quickly realised I didn't know how to be unique.

As most would agree now - Childhood is the best time. In an era of limited TV and gadgets my Nani (maternal grandmother) kept me very occupied. Along with many other things, she taught me how to embroider. Whilst at it, I didnt want to follow a printed pattern, she encouraged me to do what I felt like doing - basically, she let me colour outside the lines.

Nani passed away long before I went to college but my learnings from her came back to me when I was in a fix to find uniqueness during my thesis.

I was happy to have figured out what to do but an 'individual' kept telling me that my work wasn't good enough! It bothered me. Whatever I did failed. I wanted to give up but something kept pushing me to keep trying to prove I could be different.

Today, I understand that I so needed the criticism! Had I not been pushed out of my comfort zone I would have never learnt how to use embroidery as my paint brush because trust me I'm not the artsy type. I created mix media art forms with nature as my source, using embroidery and various other mediums to create wall hangings. Since my graduation, I've never been in a head space to go back to embroidery. Everyone encouraged me but I just couldn't.

Finally, I knew I was ready - Maybe because I've been pushed way out of my comfort zone again and my mind is familiar to giving it a try now more than ever.

My thought process excited me and thanks to my years of work, I could now put my plans in perspective.

I was passionate about what I had worked for during my career, but I knew my kids needed me to be physically around. My mind reminded me of my responsibility, but my heart pushed me to do something that excited me. There was literally nothing to loose😂 but I was still in a fix.

Whilst doing groceries at our local Walmart one day, I saw “Threads” and I knew what I had to do.

I called a cousin and told her that she had to commission ‘art’ from me. I needed to make it for someone for being accountable to delivering a finished product and doing my best. Without a question, she agreed!

On one side, I was seeing my idols break. On the other, I experiencing generosity that made me believe in ME. “Loss became a Gain”.

🔖🔖

Phase 1 :

- Create Art

- Create a design archive

Phase 2:

Phase 3:

❤️Alhumdulillah - it’s all happening…

amnanawab.com is kicking and live.

We have lots of offer and lots in the pipeline.

🙏🏽Cannot thank my support network enough for believing in me in every way. Blessed to have the most supportive family and loved ones. You all know who you are.

🥲

I’ve been mocked at for believing blindly in Allah’s plan. Been told I dream just so I feel safe. And yes, I was left with nothing but dreams and my children. I spoke to my kids about them and they believed me because all we had was dreams 🙂. It is a difficult place to be in, but it is making them believe in Allah’s miracles at a very tender age.

 My online store and social media have made me what I am today. My loved ones continue to give me a standing ovation but supporting what I love doing.

It was a dream to share my small learnings with everyone. Allah made my dream come true by giving me the opportunity to run workshops. My first break was being able to teach online at home college in Pakistan (part time) . Further more I began to deliver workshops privately. My big local break was facilitating a workshop hosted by the Textile Museum of Canada. This was my big break as I worked with women who were displaced just as I was. We spoke different languages but connected with textiles. This opened an avenue for me to run fibre art workshops with NGOs and the city of Richmond Hill. All ages were welcome as there is no limitation to learning.

 Creativity is a language and my life is living example of it. My passion is to find a creative outlet through a medium as soft as textiles. It is a struggle to keep going because being positive isn’t always possible but the setbacks are only to push me ahead. My faith holds me tight. 

Today I know that, I lost everything to find EVERYTHING!!

I found Allah. He holds me the way no human can.

❤️

I don’t know how to thank Him.

It is my duty, to talk about how I was helped, so whoever is struggling silently, can believe that it will get better. Please show compassion towards people. Don’t remind them of how horrible life because you have no clue what they have been through to be where they are.

Be kind. Your kindness might just save them. Become a part of their miracle!

❤️❤️❤️

Yaqein

I Believe In Miracles

The Best is Yet to Come

I wish Nani could see me do this! Maybe she does

Love and Light,

Amna Nawab

#amnanawabdesign

#storytelling

#healing

#newbeginnings

#ibelieveinmiracles

#thebestisyettocome

#yaqein